Mandarin Matrimony: the Wonder of the Chinese Wedding By Michelle Chen
Across the world, the wedding day is thought to be one of the happiest days of one's life. But how the ceremony unfolds depends as much on culture and geography as it does on the quality of the match. For the Chinese, a wedding is a chance for families and communities to draw upon more than 2,000 years of rich tradition, to ensure that the couple's new life together gets off to a promising start.
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Historically, marriage was more a social institution than an emotional affair (as was the case in the West for centuries), and romance was an afterthought. The bride and groom were paired by a deft matchmaker frequently when the two were still children, and to solidify the union, the bride and groom's families would undertake a rather business-like procedure, known as the Three Letters and Six Etiquettes. Once the potential bride was located, the process began with an official engagement request, made through an intermediary, and then a consultation with a fortuneteller to see if, according to the man and woman's astrological signs, the couple is a good match.
If the pairing passed the test of superstition, the groom's family would send a letter to formally announce the engagement. This would initiate an elaborate exchange of gifts to build up a good relationship between the two houses. One of the most important gifts from the groom's family was a set of wedding cakes, which the bride's family would ceremoniously accept and distribute among relatives.
On the day of the wedding, the bride's family would issue a final letter that officially declared the bride part of the groom's family.
Getting Ready: Combs, Caps, Maiden Chambers and Bridal Beds
Traditionally, the bride must undergo a special hair combing ceremony to ensure an auspicious married life, in which the mother, oldest sister-in-law, or another good luck woman, runs four symbolic strokes through the bride's hair, each signifying wealth, eternity, harmony, and of course, lots of grandchildren.
The groom's counterpoint to this ceremony is a capping ritual, in which the father places a cap on the son's head as he prays before an ancestral altar.
In the days leading up to the wedding, the bride must retreat to an upstairs loft to live in seclusion with her maiden companions who, according to tradition, have the duty of lamenting her passage into the groom's family.
As the bride's friends commiserate, the groom's family works on preparing the bridal bed, generating good fortune for the couple by adorning the bed with superstitious symbols of fertility pomegranates, peanuts, and even actual children.
The Big Day
On the day of the wedding, the groom visits the bride's house, and the two are flanked by their groomsmen and bridesmaids, who warmly taunt the couple. A shower of gifts from both sides follows.
The bride, cloaked in red, begins her official journey to her new home with a piggyback ride out of her old home, courtesy of a good luck woman, into a sedan chair, which is laden with gifts to ward of evil.
The final leg of the trip is the crossing of the threshold into the groom's home, which required the bride to hop over a burning stove which would supposedly frighten off evil or a saddle the Chinese word for which is a homonym for tranquility.
At this point, the bride finally lifts her veil, and the young man finally sees his wife's face for the first time.
The centerpiece of the joining of the bride and groom has historically been the wedding tea ceremony, which symbolizes the severing of family ties between the bride and her family, and the birth of a new married life in the family of the groom. First, the bride, in solitude, serves tea to her parents as she prepares to leave the home. Later, at the groom's home, the newlyweds together serve tea to the groom's family as a gesture of honor, toasting to each family member in a special hierarchical order.
The Even Bigger Night
Though many of the more elaborate Chinese wedding traditions have been abandoned in the twentieth century for more pragmatic or Western-oriented ceremonies, wedding night traditions, which are generally more fun, are still seen as indispensable. The daytime ceremonies are quite solemn compared to the cheerful chaos of the wedding banquet a vintage display of Chinese celebratory mayhem that can and should only occur once in a lifetime.
Typically, the banquet consists of a lavish meal of upwards of eight courses, eight being the most auspicious Chinese number. The Chinese Historical and Cultural Project has compiled an annotated sample menu for a traditional wedding meal:
Shark's Fin Soup. Soup usually follows the appetizers. The type of soup has some significance, for example, shark's fin soup indicates wealth because this delicacy is very expensive.
Roast Suckling Pig. Roasted pork is a symbol of virginity. (The groom presents a whole roasted pork to the bride's family at the engagement party.)
Peking Duck and Lobster. Red is the color for happiness, so serving Peking duck and lobster would signify joy and celebration. Also, serving the dish whole, i.e. with the head and legs, would symbolize completeness.
Squab (or Other Fowl). According to Shu Shu Costa, the author of Wild Geese and Tea, pigeon has tender meat that symbolizes peace. Usually two pigeons are offered to wish the newlyweds peace as they start their new life together. Squab (pigeon) is similar to quail, so they both probably symbolize peace. Quail is offered whole to each guest so each and every one will also experience a peaceful life. Serving fried chicken would wish the couple to have a good life because in Chinese red chicken sounds like good life.
Crab Claws. If you want to serve crab, I suggest you serve the whole crab and not just the claws, which is separated from its other parts. Since you will serve lobster, I recommend that you replace the crab claws with fried chicken because of my explanation above. A typical Chinese banquet usually includes chicken and duck.
Vegetables with Sea Cucumber. Serving sea cucumber with vegetables is a sign of selflessness because sea cucumber sounds like good heart and this dish wishes the couple to think in a similar way to avoid conflict.
Fish. Serving fish would hope that the couple will experience a life together with abundance because "fish" sounds like "plentiful" in Chinese.
Noodles served at the end would symbolize longevity because noodles come in long strands.
Sweet Red Bean Soup and Sweet Buns. Serving dessert probably wishes the newlyweds a sweet life. The hot sweet red bean soup should contain lotus seeds (lian zi) and a bark-like vegetable (bak hop) to wish the newlyweds a hundred years of togetherness. The sweet lotus paste in sweetened steamed bread symbolizes fertility; it is shaped and colored to resemble peaches (ta zi), since the peach represents long life. The sticky dumpling you describe, covered with crushed peanuts with black sesame paste in the center, is called mochi. (You might consider mochi with lotus paste or red bean paste for their symbolic value rather than black sesame paste.)
The bride and groom hop from table to table for repeated congratulatory toasts from the guests. The bride may change outfits several times, often alternating between traditional Chinese and Western clothing. Red envelopes filled with cash pass hands rapidly. The guests and hosts abandon themselves to excess in food, drink and fete, with plenty of quirky bachelor and bachelorette games to go with the festivities. The friends and family of the betrothed may goad them to kiss by raucously clanging their dinnerware. Sated and inebriated, at the end of the night, the friends of bride and groom follow them into their bridal chamber for the nao dong fang rites, which generally entail a slew of embarrassing but good-natured taunts for the newly consummated couple.
How to do Chinese for your Wedding
Chinese wedding traditions have undergone many transformations in modern times, and very often couples select just a few key rites or themes to incorporate into an otherwise Western or Christian style wedding ceremony. Some main points to consider are:
The color red: the main visual theme in nearly every aspect of the wedding ritual.
Brocade apparel:
from the sophisticated cheong sam to the stately silk garb of the groom, this is the unmistakable marker of Eastern tradition. Dragon and phoenix symbols:
represeenting the man and woman, respectively, these mythological animals, when paired together, emanate balance and harmony, similar to the yin-yang. Double Happiness:
this compound calligraphy character adorns wedding cakes, wedding cards, and other ceremonial items. If you are interested in adding some Chinese flair to your Big Day, Pearl River would be happy to answer your questions about traditional wedding practices, clothing and history, and to help you choose from our wide array of wedding-related products. See our wedding section (http://www.pearlriver.com/v2/FramesCat.asp?iGroup= 182) or call customer service for more details.
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